#humor

"I happen to be immature, undisciplined, and self-centered, pretty much a little boy in a man's body, although I'd appreciate it if you didn't quote me on that.-Bobby Tom"

"A mini self-sacrifice is made when you force your heart to wait. I’ve got mine set on a timer, so I can do other things, like chase women."

"Different people have different ideas. We need to kill them—the ideas, not the people. The people we just need to torture."

"I wrote you a love letter, and I sent it snail mail. Love is forever, and that’s about how long it’ll take to get to you."

"This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid."

"I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft"is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years."

"Free running is wall dancing, and that’s why I do my best moves while sitting in a rocking chair. I like to relax dangerously."

"What's with what you're wearing?"Griggs asks while we stand outside waiting for the others."It's pretty hideous, isn't it?"I say."Don't force me to look at it,"he says. "It's see-through."That kills conversation for a couple of seconds."

"I wholesale wholesome, and sometimes I even halfsale it. But even when I halfsale, I still charge 100%. That’s the Zeno Discount."

"It's okay to be a loser, it just depends on how good you are at being one."

"New Year Resolutions I [10w] Change my voice;unclog my ears;open my heart."

"Keep Austin Weird Haiku Neck dragon tattoo, piercings, purple haired kindergarten teacher.Keep Austin weird."

"Ferdinand VII of Spain {Couplet} He who can false loyalty feignshall sit twice upon the throne of Spain."

"Marriage would change hardly anything between us, except that we would end our arguments in a much more satisfying way. And of course I would have extensive legal rights over your body, your property, and all your individual freedoms, but I don't see what's so alarming about that."

"And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag."

"Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy."

"I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour."

"Every time we start thinking we're the center of the universe, the universe turns around and says with a slightly distracted air, 'I'm sorry. What'd you say your name was again?"

"Simon: So were you following me? Or is it just an amazing coincidence that you happened to be on the roof of a building I was walking by when I got attacked?Jace: I was following you.Simon: Is this the part where you tell me you're secretly in love with me?"

"I'm calm,"Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monsters attack us. What's to be nervous about?""Look,"I said. "I'm sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you our or anything.""Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.""Was it hard?"Annabeth asked."