#humor

"Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tyson pounding the Earthborn into the ground like a game of whack-a-mole. Ella was fluttering above him, dodging missiles and calling out advice: "The groin. The Earthborn's groin is sensitive."SMASH!"Good. Yes. Tyson found its groin."

"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"

"I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level."

"The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much."

"Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building."

"I make furniture that can be used as weapons. The most dangerous piece of furniture is the Loveseat."

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."

"Let's carpe the hell out of this diem."

"Hate Recycle Bin When you empty your hate recycle binit frees up more memory to write even better poetry.Just try it and tell me this isn't true!"

"Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that."

"In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing."

"I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible."

"My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best."

"Jew in a Canoe Haiku Jew in a canoe,whitewater rushes, the canoe tips.The Jew doesn't."

"For our first date we went Dutch. We would have gone another nationality, but they are the tallest."

"Don't forget to give Neville our love!' Ginny told James as she hugged him.'Mum! I can't give a professor love!''But you know Neville-'James rolled his eyes.'Outside, yeah, but at school he's Professor Longbottom, isn't he? I can't walk into Herbology and give him love...."

"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it."

"What's another word for thesaurus?"

"Just move to the Internet, its great here. We get to live inside where the weather is always awesome."

"What Women Want [10w] What women want is a feeling of security with abs."