#humor

"Some people grow cotton, while I have a t-shirt farm. The rainy season is when I get the most visitors."

"I'm as pure as the driven slush."

"Helloooo? I just made some changes in my life, and if I don't get back to you as soon as possible, then guess what? You were one of those changes."

"Stumble When you don't know how to end a sentence you've stumbled upon a truth."

"Leo had seen Tia Callida in action; she liked knives, snakes and putting babies in roaring fires. Yeah, definitely let's unleash her rage. Great idea."

"I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?"

"I had a dream about you last night. We went to the store cupboard to make out, but we ended up sharing our pain and then crying together. We wasn't prepared for this level of intimacy."

"To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem."

"You can change your mind, don't let your mind change you"

"Rule of life. If you bother to ask someone’s advice, then bother to listen to it."

"Ah, well,ʺ said Abe, idly studying his fingertips. ʺI have it on good authority thereʹs going to be a new ‘gateʹ opening up soon over on the south side of the wall."The truth dawned on me. ʺOh lord. Youʹre the one whoʹs been doling out C4.ʺʺYou make it sound so easy,ʺ he said with a frown. ʺThat stuffʹs hard to get a hold of."

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."

"I believe more in the scissors than I do in the pencil."

"On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones."

"Last weekend I went out of my comfort zone to go hang out with people I’d only heard about, and I met one new person who turned out to be a very valuable contact. I should try networking at my family reunions more often, because that’s how I finally met my dad."

"You looove me. (holds out arms) You love me this much."

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."

"I have to go. I have a finite amount of life left and I don't want to spend it arguing with you."

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

"Haven't you ever heard that modesty is an attractive trait?""Only from ugly people,"Jace confided. "The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me."He winked at the girls, who giggled and hid behind their hair."