#humor

"Goodbyes, they often come in waves."

"God Made God made our beingour parents our bodyphilosophy our mindchildren our compassionhostory our loyaltywork our self-esteembattles our heroismpoetry our soulsoulmates our lovewhich stitches it all togetherinto a life."

"Nursing Homes [10w] Nursing homes are house haunted by the living and half-dead."

"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"Fate,"Blue replied, glowering at her mother, "is a very weighty word to throw around before breakfast."

"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."

"I’m a master of encouragement. Why should I do work myself when the price of getting others to do it for me is as cheap as cheering them on?"

"So Yoda sounds like our best bet as an energy source. But with world electricity consumption pushing 2 terawatts, it would take a hundred million Yodas to meet our demands. All things considered, switching to Yoda power probably isn't worth the trouble — though it would definitely be green."

"Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies."

"Be Careful What You Wish For More often than not,a dream come true is a nightmare-in-the-making."

"Extra Crispy Deranged Free Range Chickens "Hey, I may be delusional in believing you're delusional,but one thinks for sure, the person who bothers to read this shit is delusional."

"Irish-Gaelic Wife-Fooking Proverb The truth can't be concealedI fooked your Caitlin from behind,because you can never plow a field by just turning it over in your mind.By the way, Caitlin's last words, before sucking me cock, were"Me husband's balls smells like ballyblue cheese, ahhhhhh, Éirinn go Brách!"

"Spelling Bees are useless and unnecessary competitions. Before Microsoft Word and Google, Spelling Bees had value, but now they are all superflewus."

"The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks."

"My I love yous were watered down, which was how I was able to grow such a beautiful garden. I’m a relationship farmer, and I’m growing as a person."

"If your treated like a puppet find a new ball of string"

"I dreamed I was buying new shoes last night,"said Ron. "What d'ya think that's gonna mean?""Probably that you're going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something,"said Harry."

"There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]"

"If you own the most profitable manure distribution warehouse in the world, you might not like the smell of success."

"I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple"