#humor

"Diana Sporting a Remington Sendero SF II {Couplet} Over one shoulder hung a rifle, over the other swung a brace of pheasants;She was a no-nonsense breed of sniper, a viper with no time for fangs of conscience."

"I want to open up a School of Cannibalism. It’ll be a feeder school for top law schools."

"Sane is boring."

"Yeah? Can you draw a skeleton riding a motorcycle with flames coming out of it? And I want a pirate hat on the skeleton. And a parrot on his shoulder. A skeleton parrot. Or maybe a ninja skeleton parrot? No, that would be overkill. But it'd be cool if the biker skeleton could be shooting some ninja throwing stars. That are on fire."

"Nursing Homes [10w] Nursing homes are house haunted by the living and half-dead."

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

"Nevada Haiku 'Happens in Vegasstays in Vegas', long as youpay hos to shut up."

"Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride - where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation."

"Awww,"Minho said. "That's almost as sweet as that time she slammed the end of a spear into your shuck face."

"When stuck in outer space, moonwalk home. I can dance as well as any hitchhiker in the galaxy, and you can 42 off if you don’t believe me."

"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me."

"Upgrading [10w] Promise them the worldto get the universe in return."

"All I'm trying to say is that if you're not willing to observe this, if you're just going to condemn it, you're never going to see it. It's there, whether you like it or not. This is stupid life-force we're dealing with here,"he said. "Think how old it is, Jim. Think how huge it is. Understanding it doesn't make any difference."

"In politics, stupidity is not a handicap."

"Put it All on Black' [10w] God doesn't play dice with the universe;He prefers roulette."

"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."

"Do you know people who insist they like 'all kinds of music'? That actually means they like no kinds of music."

"I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job."

"Leadership is being the first to put others second. Wait, that’s not right. That’s politics."

"Seeing vs. Envision {Couplet} We see nothing more than we bring to it;heavenly orchards lie in an apple's pit!"