#humor

"The Reformer is always right about what's wrong. However, he's often wrong about what is right."

"Ah, well,ʺ said Abe, idly studying his fingertips. ʺI have it on good authority thereʹs going to be a new ‘gateʹ opening up soon over on the south side of the wall."The truth dawned on me. ʺOh lord. Youʹre the one whoʹs been doling out C4.ʺʺYou make it sound so easy,ʺ he said with a frown. ʺThat stuffʹs hard to get a hold of."

"Interviewer: 'So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?'Frank Zappa: 'You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?"

"If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever."

"I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."

"The recipe for great art has always been misery and a good bowel movement."

"I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple"

"A love story in six words: Hello. Goodbye. In between was marriage."

"Must be weird for you, having your mom here.""Weird for me, weird for her, probably weird for you since you had to give up your swinging bachelor pad.""Mrs. Casnoff let me install my heart-shaped Jacuzzi in my new dorm room.""Cal,"I said with mock astonishment, "did you just make a joke?""Maybe."

"Writing is a dying form. One reads of this every day."

"I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go."

"In the Porn Industry [10w] Lacking a college-diploma's more than compensated by a humongous penis."

"In middle school, I got picked on a lot. But boy, it sure felt good to get picked, because who doesn’t like to get chosen and called out as special?"

"If words had weight, a single sentence from Death would have anchored a ship."

"I might have known,” said Eeyore. “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said ‘Bother!’. The Social Round. Always something going on."

"You're the queen, and it's the queen's house, and whatever Brigan may accomplish, he's highly unlikely ever to be queen."

"I’ve got a nice racket going. I make tennis ball swatters. My favorite score is love all. That’s also how I live my life."

"Pooh,"said Rabbit kindly, "you haven't any brain.""I know,"said Pooh humbly."

"Buy or borrow self-improvement books, but don't read them. Stack them around your bedroom and use them as places to rest bowls of cookies.Watch exercise shows on television, but don't do the exercises. Practice believing that the benefit lies in imagining yourself doing the exercises.Don't power walk. Saunter slowly in the sun, eating chocolate, and carry a blanket so you can take a nap."

"Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?— Riley Poole"