#humor

"That Jesus Kinda' Love [20w] What people do for the loveof their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,I wouldn't do for my fucking mother."

"Nothing great is ever accomplished by following standards."

"Let me ask you a question Alex. What do you think is the greatest evil on this plant today?""Is that including, or not including you?"

"In the present case it is a little inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible to any public office of trust or profit in the Republic. But I do not repine, for I am a subject of it only by force of arms."

"He’s as tall as a tree, but he fights like a rose bush. What’s with all the scratching? I should cut him down in the name of romance."

"Lost & Found of Love We cannot forfeit what was not truly ours to begin with.You can only lose yourself in the heartbreak of love lostand find yourself againinthe miracle of love regained."

"Politicians [10w] All politicians serve two masters ~their ambition and their cocks."

"If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now."

"People say we are playing God. My answer is: If we don't play God, who will?"

"Did someone just call me the wine dude?” he asked in a lazy drawl. “It’s Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don’t-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus."

"A telkhine was hunched over a console, but he was so involved with his work, he didn't notice us. He was about five feet tall, with slick black seal fur and stubby little feet. He had the head of a Doberman, but his clawed hands were almost human. He growled and muttered as he tapped on his keyboard. Maybe he was messaging his friends on uglyface.com."

"If your treated like a puppet find a new ball of string"

"Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have been different."

"You've got no sense of humor.""I'm going to laugh really hard after I kick your ass."

"I spray-paint my underwear gold, because it makes me feel like a winner. When two people are in love, one is always in second place."

"molesting the vampire while he's too weak to fight back, iz? jace asked. i'm pretty sure that violates at least one of the accords."

"You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway."

"I'm about to get my grind on. My coffee grind. Like a true hustler."

"The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker."

"Always mystify, torture, mislead, and surprise the audience as much as possible."