#humor

"If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office."

"On Knowledge: You know that I know you know, but I want you to know that I know you know I know you know I know. It’s important for you to know that, you know?"

"College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?"

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

"I’m out of health potions. Retreat! Retreat! Give me some of your health potions!” I screamed. “I don’t have any potions. Run, bitch, run,” Brody squealed. The red ran out on my health and my assassin was transported, stripped of everything we’d earned, back to the starting camp. “I’m dead! Fuck, they killed me!"

"Far be it from me to keep a woman from her book. That could become dangerous"

"I wish every envelope enclosed a love letter. It’s this hope that leads me to open strangers’ mail. So you see, I’m a romantic, not an NSA employee."

"Grave Dancing for Dummies {Couplet} They danced at my grave when I was buried at sea;with my haters drowned, I'm now totally free."

"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?"and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off."

"What Women Think Women don't care if you got a six pack if you slurp you soup."

"The more excited I get, the more I vibrate.""Now there's a thought,"Lor says."If you mean what I think you mean, you want to shut the fuck up and never think it again,"Ryodan says."

"Wisdom is knowing when you are being patient, and when you are wasting time by waiting."

"You possess other people's...bodies."He accepted that statement with a nod."Do you want to possess my body?""I want to do a lot of things to your body, but that's not one of them."

"Prolific [10w] "Perhaps I'm prolific because I believe creativity can forestall death."

"Damien has died and gone straight to gay boy heaven,' Shaunee said..."

"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office."

"Knocking on a door is so violent. Instead, try talking to the door to get it to open up to you. I should write a self-help book for door-to-door salesmen."

"Pooh,"said Rabbit kindly, "you haven't any brain.""I know,"said Pooh humbly."

"Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)"

"The mind is a complex and many-layered thing, Potter... or at least, most minds are..."