#humor

"Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health.However, I always carried a jewel-studded cigarette case in which, instead of tobacco, were carefully placed several mustaches, Adolphe Menjou style. I offered them politely to my friends: "Mustache? Mustache? Mustache?"Nobody dared to touch them. This was my test regarding the sacred aspect of mustaches."

"But the goal of the arts, culinary or otherwise, is not to increase our comfort. That is the goal of an easy chair."

"As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney."

"Whatever demon invented stiletto-heeled boots should roast in hell..."

"Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?"

"What are you grinning at?"Katsa demanded for the third or fourth time. "Is the ceiling about to cave in on my head or something? You look like we're both on the verge of an enormous joke.""Katsa, only you would consider the collapse of the ceiling a good joke."

"Disability [10w] Unconditional love can turn a child's disability into an advantage."

"Love and Blindness [10w] Love may be unilaterally blind,but divorce blinds both parties."

"Cael, come on. Stop licking the dude. That's gross."Letty let out a snort. "Please, like you don't lick dudes.""That's different,"Dex explained with a grimace. "None of those dudes were Ash. Besides, last time I checked, Ash was allergic to nuts."

"Prickly Pears [10w] Men are often like cactus fruits ~thorny outside,mushy inside."

"Keep Your Day Job Bitch [10w] + {Couplet} If you've guessed that I'm blessed,augury ain't your strawberry."

"Love is a boomerang dripped in honey, in that it emanates from me just as surely as it will return to me. Still, I think I’d much rather wash my hands and be done with it."

"Is it better to be feared or loved? Loved, because people associate with you because they want to, not because they need to. We need to eat beets, but we want to eat cake. Be the cake of the world."

"If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."

"Still it might be nice, once in a while, not to have to choose between evils. Just once, couldn't I choose the lesser good?"

"My name is Percy Jackson. I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.Am I a troubled kid?Yeah. You could say that."

"Using the Backdoor If we compare writing computer code to sex,then hacking would be anal sex."

"I was trying to decide if you still had free will as a wolf. If I was a terrible person for planning to drug my girlfriend and drag her back to my house to keep in the basement."

"Family [10w] Family is a truth pill ~ just beware of an overdose."

"I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it."