#humor

"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."

"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"

"Even the ocean waves take their hellos to the people all the time. I should take my hellos down to the beach and sell waves to the tourists."

"People have hope because they cannot see Death standing behind them."

"It’s better if you don’t come at all, then come and act like you don’t want to be here. The same applies to there, when I’m there, which is also confusingly here, though it’s not here it’s there."

"I wouldn't marry Giddon to save my life,"Katsa said. "Not even to save yours.""Well."Raffin's eyes were full of laughter. "I'd leave that part out."

"When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass!"

"He smiled. "How kind of you to confirm what I already know. Perhaps next you will introduce me to myself. I hear I am quite popular."

"So Yoda sounds like our best bet as an energy source. But with world electricity consumption pushing 2 terawatts, it would take a hundred million Yodas to meet our demands. All things considered, switching to Yoda power probably isn't worth the trouble — though it would definitely be green."

"So many FREAKS and not enough CIRCUSES!"

"I called his broken promise heartbreaking, and he called it growing up. Oh, that’s mature—blame it on maturity."

"The Stink of Hate {Couplet} When haters write they raise a stink;must be the venom coursing through their ink."

"But we're going to smile and pretend we're fine with the dorky birthmas gifts because people do not get that they can't mush a birthday into christmas."

"The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to call some plays."

"Enjoy every ounce of your life, get high and be sincere to anybody that comes around you."

"He was a gentle and sensitive soul, and therefore had a short temper, which is why he went straight after everything with an ax..."

"I make love like I make coffins—with my bare hands, alone in my garage. On sale through Thursday—Buy One Funeral, Get A Second One Free!"

"We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own."

"Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)"

"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."