#humor

"He f**ks even better than he looks”, I settled on saying. Several heads turned. I didn’t care; I was pissed. “And that beautiful face is going to be clamped between my legs as soon as we get home, don’t you worry."

"Genocide [10w] Genocide is the runaway bride once death becomes the bridegroom."

"Education will only take you so far. To go even further, I’d recommend getting a piggyback ride from a midget half your body weight."

"Delusion vs. Truth Delusions are what really set you free;the truth is a choke hold."

"Did you see me disarm Hermione, Harry?""Only once"said Hermione stung. "I got you loads more then you got me—""I did not only get you once, I got you at least three times—""Well if you're counting the one where you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wand out of my hand—"

"You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down."

"The recipe for great art has always been misery and a good bowel movement."

"...the Statue of Liberty's got this invitation: 'Give me your tired, your poor, your reeking homeless--''Huddled masses,' said Ira. 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.'...Okay, fine. So like everybody in the old countries says, 'Hey, I'm a huddled mass,' and they all wanna come over."

"The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

"You're such a pain in the ass. (Butch) Said the SIG to the Glock. (V)"

"Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character."

"Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?"asked Jace."It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath.""As soon as I’m back on my feet, handsome,"said Simon."I knew we should have left you a rat."

"Do you know people who insist they like 'all kinds of music'? That actually means they like no kinds of music."

"Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god."

"The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun."

"Any idiot can put up a website."

"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."

"You're Hell's Angels, then? What chapter are you from?''REVELATIONS. CHAPTER SIX."

"In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem."

"I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."