#humor

"Sadly, my socks are like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike."

"Why I Don't Carry a Cellphone [10w] It's a sign of servility you can be contacted anytime."

"Write it. Shoot it. Publish it. Crochet it, sauté it, whatever. MAKE."

"Temporis filia veritas; cui me obstetricari non pudet.Truth is the daughter of time, and I feel no shame in being her midwife."

"Lying in bed listless, I wrote a list. I then had a list, but I was still listless. Perhaps because my list was of all the things I love, and every entry was you."

"The ultimate weapon is Lady Gaga’s music. Why kill the enemy when you can play her music and they’ll want to kill themselves?"

"Never memorize something that you can look up."

"Politicians [10w] All politicians serve two masters ~their ambition and their cocks."

"Because teachers, no matter how kind, no matter how friendly, are sadistic and evil to the core."

"Let's carpe the hell out of this diem."

"Enemies [10w] I prefer my enemies death than apologeticfor closure's sake"

"A starving man asleep dreams of food, and even a crumb becomes a feast. When you’re hungry for affection even a no is better than being ignored."

"The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them."

"You forget, darling.I am the local psychopath."

"I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now."

"If you're horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I operate."

"Err "To err is human ~ more wine!"

"That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery."

"If you're right & I'm not, I'm going to be hell to live with, she said. So, you better think about that next time you want to be right."

"I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate."