#humor

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."

"I’d heard you were dead.”"I heard you wear a red lace corset,” I said matter-of-factly. “But I don’t believe every bit of nonsense that gets rumored about."

"Writing is a dying form. One reads of this every day."

"The essence of Christianity is told us in the Garden of Eden history. The fruit that was forbidden was on the tree of knowledge. The subtext is, 'All the suffering you have is because you wanted to find out what was going on. You could be in the Garden of Eden if you had just kept your fucking mouth shut and hadn't asked any questions."

"Amputees Smart phones and the internet are the prosthetics our century cannot live without.Until we can put them down to take a quiet walk in the woods,we are all amputees."

"I've got the Mark of Cain,"said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?""You can kill yourself,"Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't.""There goes my Saturday."

"Cat, hmmm? From where I sit you look more like a Kitten."My head jerked around and I shot him an annoyed look. Oh, I was going to enjoy this, all right. "It's Cat,"I repeated firmly. "Cat Raven.""Whatever you say, Kitten Tweedy."

"Hermione launched herself forwards and started punching every inch of him that she could reach.'Ouch — ow — gerroff! What the — ? Hermione — OW!'“You — complete — arse — Ronald — Weasley!”She punctuated every word with a blow: Ron backed away, shielding his head as Hermione advanced."

"Revenge [10w] Revenge is a long game;all you need is time."

"Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry"said Hermione, before catching sight of Ron's raised eyebrows, blushing slightly and saying "oh you know what I mean - Goyle's Potion looked like bogies."

"Women should have nipples on their butts. From a design perspective, I think it would revolutionize the fashion industry."

"Every Small Child is a Miracle [10w] The God of small children is the one true God."

"What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course"

"A romantic man often feels more uplifted with two women than with one: his love seems to hit the ideal mark somewhere between two different faces."

"I like my coffee like Colfax Avenue mixed with Atlantic Boulevard, and if you're buying then I'm driving. Let's sip this romance slowly."

"I would so hate to be a first-person character! Always on your guard, always having people read your thoughts!"

"The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him."

"They say: Think twice before you jump. I say: Jump first and then think as much as you want!"

"Prevailing Wins [10w] Truth prevails in private, bullshit in public, integrity in spirit."