#humor

"Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon--perfect."

"Learning from Experience Learning from experience means, 'Boy, did I just fuck up!"

"A Frog in my Throat I had me frog in my throat.I swallowed hard and it croaked.Tasted like shit.Next time I get me a frog in my throat,my snooty French boyfriend better wash his dick with soap."

"A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends."

"Tangled [10w] Love becomes a tangle of roots submerged in common soil."

"Humans vs. Monkeys [10w] + [10w] Baby monkeys are much more clever than a human babies.Human babies leap ahead because of their capacity for language."

"You're getting into some kind of shape, cop."Aw, come on, now."Butch grinned. "Don't let that shower we took go to your head."Rhage fired a towel at the male. "Just pointing out your beer gut's gone."It was a Scotch pot. And I don't miss it."

"There's so much destruction all over the world - and all you can do is complain about ME!"

"I let out a laugh that sounded more like the yip of a startled poodle. "Superp-powers? I wish. My powers aren't winning me a slot on the Cartoon Network anytime soon... except as a comic relief. Ghost Whisperer Junior. Or Ghost Screamer, more like it. Tune in, every week, as Chloe Saunders runs screaming from yet another ghost looking for her help."Okay, superpower might be pushing it."

"Myth, mist, and mystery all add to the illusion of love. If you need me I’ll be by the fog machine wearing a tunic and writing an epic poem in Greek."

"I'm sure I'll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn-on."

"If there’s gold in it, then the mine is mine. And if there’s no coffee in it, then the cup is yours."

"Before the NSA there was the Catholic Church. What is confessional if not a place to gather secrets? No wonder the church had all the power."

"Pun vs. Puny [10w] + {Couplet} "His penis was a pun,judging by the predictable groans.The hours set by innuendos,the seconds by the moans."

"Even now, despite Angeline's watchfulness, she'd occasionally oscillate between random topics, like how shepherd's pie wasn't a pie at all and why it was pointless for her to take class in typing when technology would eventually develop robot companions to do it for us."

"Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up."

"Love vs. Mental Illness [10w] Love, like mental illness, comes on graduallyand then suddenly."

"Mysteries force a man to think, and so injure his health."

"Sane is boring."

"Free Lunch There's no such thing as a free lunch ~for people who haven't yet learned to beat the system ;)"