#humor

"The word very will vary in muchiness. I love you very much, and that won’t vary from day to day."

"Battered Women [5w] Battered womenare more crispy."

"The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes."

"If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."

"Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives."

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

"Gained in Translation [10w] In timeless truths there's more gained than lost in translation."

"I made this [letter] very long, because I did not have the leisure to make it shorter."

"In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive."

"The State of the World Attests to This: [10w] Common people are too easily manipulated or stupid to vote."

"Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. Then when you hit puberty they take the crayons away and replace them with dry, uninspiring books on algebra, history, etc. Being suddenly hit years later with the 'creative bug' is just a wee voice telling you, 'I'd like my crayons back, please."

"Tapestry [10w] Life's a tapestry of mystery and miracles quilted by God."

"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well — you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference."

"CPR dummy looked like him and had clearly been stabbed. Repeatedly. In the groin. He thought she might have used the dummy for target practice, and tried not to be offended. Key word: tried."

"Mistletoe,"said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it. "Good thinking,"said Luna seriously. "It's often infested with nargles."

"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."

"Money isn't everything...but it ranks right up there with oxygen."

"As a sculptor, I prefer busts. As a lover of women, I prefer busts. And as a football enthusiast, I prefer Robert Griffin III."

"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."

"Love flows like flowers, and grows like water. I’m so thirsty for romance I could drink a dozen roses."