#humor

"Myrnin turned away to pick up his Ben Franklin spectacles, balanced them on his nose, and looked over them to say, "Don't do drugs. I feel I ought to say that."

"When I was little I bragged about my firefighting father: my father would go to heaven, because if he went to hell he would put out all the fires"

"Writer's Block [10w] Every writer's block is surrounded by a million other possibilities."

"People don’t buy products—they buy people. It’s called slavery. I mean networking. It’s called networking."

"So Yoda sounds like our best bet as an energy source. But with world electricity consumption pushing 2 terawatts, it would take a hundred million Yodas to meet our demands. All things considered, switching to Yoda power probably isn't worth the trouble — though it would definitely be green."

"Huh,"Leo said. "Well, if you ever get off this island and want a job, let me know. You're not a total klutz."She smirked. "A job, eh?"Making things in your forge?""Nah, we could start our own shop,"Leo said, surprising himself. Starting a machine shop had always been one of his dreams, but he'd never told anyone about it. "Leo and Calypso's Garage: Auto Repair and Mechanical Monsters."

"If I convert it's because it's better that a believer dies than that an atheist does."

"Schmuck [10w] + {Couplet} Show kindness to a schmuck,it's guaranteed you'll get fucked."

"I knew I could do it all this time,” said Harry, “Because I'd already done it... does that make sense?"

"You, Ms. Lane, are a menace to others! A walking, talking catastrophe in pink!"

"All the time you're saying to yourself, 'I could do that, but I won't,' — which is just another way of saying that you can't."

"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it."

"Hard at work? I’ll give you a hand—my right hand. It’s a handshake, for networking and encouragement purposes. Keep it up!"

"Wit seduces by signaling intelligence without nerdiness."

"A whizzpopper!"cried the BFG, beaming at her. "Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans?"

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."

"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."

"They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same."

"Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well."

"All the world is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer."