#humor

"Lost & Found of Love We cannot forfeit what was not truly ours to begin with.You can only lose yourself in the heartbreak of love lostand find yourself againinthe miracle of love regained."

"I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland."

"I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows- slow, dumb, and bright red."

"You know your Lamborghini is on fire, right?"

"Here was enough transcendentalism to drive even a cave-dwelling Tibetan holy man insane. Jack Sawyer was everywhere; Jack Sawyer was everything."

"Are there any religions on your list that include the slaughter of noblemen as a holy duty?"

"I’ll stand by you. And by stand I mean cower in your shadow. It’s probably cold there, so I’m going to knit myself a warm cat sweater to wear."

"Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?""Yes,"said Harry stiffly."Yes, sir.""There's no need to call me "sir"Professor."The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying."

"It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget."

"Leigh did what any sane female faced with such an e-mail would do: deleted it to resist the temptation of replying, cleared her trash to resist the temptation of recalling it, and then called tech support to restore all her recently deleted e-mails. (Chasing Harry Winston)"

"The Stink of Hate {Couplet} When haters write they raise a stink;must be the venom coursing through their ink."

"But this room looked like it had been decorated by the unholy lovechild of Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake."

"And if humanity is the last war, then I am the battlefield."

"There are always some lunatics about. It would be a dull world without them."

"If football players wanted to protect their brains from injury they’d wear astronaut helmets. After all, astronauts have massive IQ’s, so wearing their protective headgear seems like a smart choice."

"I bet you've seen the fundamentalist bumper sticker that says, "God said it! I believe it! That settles it!"It must be a typo because what the driver really means is, "I said it! God believes it! That settles it!"

"Maybe he thinks he can rescue me? No one is that stupid."

"No, I do my torturing in the dungeon like any other respectable castle owner,"

"He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?""Like what?""Like hitting on you.""Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way."Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee."What? You think he does?""Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood.""Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?""Not enough coffee."

"Hey, Carlos,"the Professor says when he walks in. "How was REACH?""It sucked.""Can you be more specific?"my guardian asks."It really sucked,"I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word."