#humor

"I’d said it before and meant it: Alive or undead, the love of my life was a badass."

"Life is worth living as long as there's a laugh in it."

"He specialized in the murder of dreams, Hazel Grace..."

"Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny."

"Facebook's New Marketing Slogan "We can only be lonesome together.900,000,000 served."

"Love is where you find it. I think it is foolish to go around looking for it, and I think it can be poisonous. I wish that people who are conventionally supposed to love each other would say to each other, when they fight, 'Please — a little less love, and a little more common decency'."

"Washington State Motto Al-Ki. [25]America's most rainy, PC and annoying state."

"And you're blind?"Uh-huh,"Iggy said, trying to sound bored.Were you born that way?"No."How did you become blind, uh, Jeff, is it?"Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always tell you not to. If only I had listened."

"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake!"

"Love speaks to the heart like a mime to a mute."

"I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet."

"I hate girls that giggle all the time... You hate any girl that David looks at."

"Who are you and how did you get in here?""I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith."

"Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt"

"Why?' is always the most difficult question to answer. You know where you are when someone asks you 'What's the time?' or 'When was the battle of 1066?' or 'How do these seatbelts work that go tight when you slam the brakes on, Daddy?' The answers are easy and are, respectively, 'Seven-thirty in the evening,' 'Ten-fifteen in the morning,' and 'Don't ask stupid questions."

"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."

"Now Darkstripe,' Graypaw hissed to Firepaw under his breath, 'is neither young, nor pretty."

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."

"I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that person and pin the flower on their lapel in a gesture of friendship. And while they are looking down on it in astonishment, I’ll bunch up my knuckles and punch them in the face."