#humor

"Beautiful face. Beautiful body. Horrible attitude. It was the holy trinity of hot boys."

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"I still don't belong to anyone - I am mine."

"I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up."

"The biggest challenge after success is shutting up about it."

"2 out of 4 numbers prefer being in the bottom 50 percent. Half of all lovers also prefer being on the bottom."

"I ordered a beer and then I ordered another beer, because why finish one when I can finish two? Having only one is great for love, but bad for beer."

"Sumerian Haiku Sumerian whoregrabs my wedge, says: 'I love aman in cuneiform."

"Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient."

"I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely."

"Are you an idiot, or an idiot?' Gargarin hissed.'The first one. I really resent being called the second."

"I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket."

"Everything in this room is edible. Even I'm edible. But, that would be called canibalism. It is looked down upon in most societies."

"I'm right and you're wrong, I'm big and you're small, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood,"Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

"Dysfunctional Love We split up not because he or she didn't love us,but because they did love us in the only way they knew how."

"An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it."

"Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?""I give.""You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog."

"Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it."

"Now,"said Brandons low, cold voice. "Lets not be rude eve."