#humor

"This is me.’"He handed her the precious scrap of paper. ‘Call me or I’ll call you, but one of us will call, yes? What I mean is it’s not a competition. You don’t lose if you phone first"

"Two empty chairs are not a good use of space. Fill them up with love."

"He smiled in a way that made me want to kiss him right on the spot. Or the lips. Whichever was closer."

"Ageing [10w] There's no such thing as age -- only degrees of opacity."

"Party Hat [10w] Circus clowns, Frenchmen, and sanitation workers look better in party-hats.."

"Far be it from me to keep a woman from her book. That could become dangerous"

"Yes, my tiara sets off the whole thing nicely,"said Auntie Muriel in a rather carrying whisper. "But I must say, Ginevra's dress is far too low-cut."Ginny glanced round, grinning, winked at Harry, then quickly faced the front again."

"The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish."

"Elend: I kind of lost track of time…Breeze: For two hours?Elend: There were books involved."

"If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong."

"You can swim, too."he says. "Where did you learn that in District Twelve?""We have a very big bathtub."

"When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth."

"Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"

"Writer's Prayers That Don't Work "Lord, lead me from the banality of everyday life,to the gleaming one beneath the surface."

"Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life."

"A Prayer God, be my light in pitch-black night;Show me the path from wrong to rightThat I might in Your hands be delivered later,Having eclipsed myself to become something greater."

"That's kind of a leap, but the Russian judge gave you a nine point five for style, so okay."

"30% of the time I am successful 70% of the time. That’s 100% in my book—a book that happens to have a page count that’s 21% Reduced Fat."

"Every ounce of my cynicism is supported by historical precedent."

"Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up."