#humor

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

"As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney."

"Never sleep with a lady only once, especially in the case of an older lady.-'Rhett"

"Oh no. Don't smile. You'll kill me. I stop breathing when you smile."

"They can't tell so much about you if you got your eyes closed."

"Ask me if I sparkle and I’ll kill you where you stand.” (Bones)"

"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."

"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond."

"Nobody can make you feel ignorant but you—the you from before, the one who skipped school and slept in class. By you, of course, I mean me."

"Working in the hotel business I have learned a lot about people. It’s amazing what you can discover about someone by watching them when they don’t know you are watching, especially if they are asleep."

"Don't bite his face, Eleanor told herself. It's disturbing and needy and never happens in situation comedies or movies that end with big kisses."

"Haven't you ever heard of the saying, "If you want to shoot the general, first shoot the horse!"?' --LinIf you wanna shoot the general, then you should just SHOOT THE GENERAL!' --Ed"

"Broken Heart [10W] The broken heart becomes volcanic, forever rumbling anddispersing ash."

"The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter."

"It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours; he can't make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work."

"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"

"Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?""Yes,"said Harry stiffly."Yes, sir.""There's no need to call me "sir"Professor."The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying."

"Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right."

"I held her gaze as I held her in my arms. With all that holding I couldn’t hold on to the moment, and it slipped past me into the lonely past."

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."