#humor

"Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on."

"I had a dream about you last night... You turned red, then green, and then blue. You told me you were trying to fit in with the m&m's."

"Kitty need's a tounge bath"

"I despise the rituals of fake friendship. I wish we could just claw each other's eyes out and call it a day; instead we put on huge radiant smiles and spout compliments until our teeth hurt from the saccharine sweetness of it all."

"I don’t eat Sloppy Joes. I eat Tidy Josephs."

"I'm a girl of extremes. When I love something, I'm like a puppy dog (without all the licking). When I'm cranky, I'm a wasp (like a whole hive of 'em). And when I'm angry, I'm a Mother Bear with a predator after her cubs: Dangerous."

"love make us poets, and the approach of death should make us philosophers."

"Regret vs. Good Times "If I had to regret the good times I spent with every lover who eventually disillusioned me,my love life would be reduced to ten seconds."

"The first ten million years were the worst,"said Marvin, "and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline."

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."

"After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much."

"Other than the voices in my head, I think I’m pretty normal."

"How to Save the World [10w] When true love floods in, it could float an ark."

"If you need help bark like a dog."- Gendry. "That's stupid. If I need help I'll shout help."- Arya"

"The Book of Life, I’m still writing it—both literally and literarily. So far I’ve written the Table of Contents. Right now it’s more of a coffee table."

"Huging my pillow to my chest, I told myself, At least soon you won't have so much time to miss him. Soon school will start again, and then you'll be busier. Wait. Am I reduced to HOPING for school to start? Somehow, I have discovered a whole new level of pathetic."

"A sofa on an elevator would be like a slow roller coaster where you get to work on your small talk skills. Oh yes, I am an adrenaline junky."

"The Poet's Limitless Imagination [10w] The stringy shit from my goldfish turns him into a kite."

"I know - I'll play you for it,"Alice suggested. "Rock, paper, scissors."Jasper chuckled and Edward sighed."Why don't you just tell me who wins?"Edward said wryly.Alice beamed. "I do. Excellent."

"I think she just asked if she could touch my mango."