#humor

"God is even in a single parent household."

"again!"=""Perfect happiness is when your child giggles and yells,"Again!"

"Call me sentimental, but there's no-one in the world that I'd like to see get dysentery more than you"

"When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."

"My Sweet Home, Alabama If it grows, it sticks, if it crawls, it bites,if it's outside, it rusts,if it's ornery, it fights,if it's a dawg, it barks.if its a possum, it feignsif it's a buggy, it squeals,if it's winter, it's summer,If it's slimy, it's eels.If it ain't Dixie, it won't do,so let's fix to get piss drunkand lynch us another nigger and Jew."

"I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny."

"I don’t eat Sloppy Joes. I eat Tidy Josephs."

"Brownie Mix [10w] + {Couplet} Betwixt hell and the River Styx,I'll be shitting bricks."

"Behold, the number five is at hand. Grab it and shake and harness the power of networking."

"Why were you lurking under our window?""Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?""Listening to the news,"said Harry in a resigned voice.His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage."Listening to the news! Again?""Well, it changes every day, you see,"said Harry."

"I’m addicted to warm Thanksgiving bird meat, but I should just quit cold turkey. To me, the beginning of December is like leftover November."

"I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter."(Letter 16, 1657)"

"You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other."

"You catch more flies with honey than you do with chopsticks. Let this be a lesson in love."

"To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."

"Women should have nipples on their butts. From a design perspective, I think it would revolutionize the fashion industry."

"Finding a life partner is like choosing a bed. You need one as a friend either in times of health or sickness. Freshness or weariness. Happiness or sadness. And we can be certain that we've picked the right one without having to sleep with it first."

"I don't mean to be rude—"he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable."Yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often,"Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely."

"Twittersweeet [10w] Finding Twitter followers' like fishing in a lake of fisherman."