#humor

"Georgie, stop trying to resurrect the shoes. They were never alive in the first place."

"You know, poets and songwriters have long known that people like repetition. You know, poets and songwriters have long known that people like repetition. I guess when I say people, I mean everyone but my Grandfather. He hated anything that was so monotonous as repetition. That’s why he loathed walking so much. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, and on and on."

"Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by."

"He's around the twist,' said Azalea. 'Breaking all the windows? He's mad.''Ah, no,' said the King. 'It's only madness if you actually do it. If you want to break all the windows in the house and drown yourself in a bucket but don't actually do it, well, that's love."

"Stratospherical Poems [10w] Poets circle the earth in a higher orbit than readers."

"In closing, I hope everything helps show that I wouldn’t be a fade-out or a person who turns to think to drink or dope when things get tough. I believe that anything is possible if you have the combination of love for what you’re doing and the will to sit down and not get up until it’s done…."

"Pooh,"said Rabbit kindly, "you haven't any brain.""I know,"said Pooh humbly."

"I called Vee."How are you doing?"I asked."Good. How are you?""Good."Silence."Okay,"Vee said in a rush, "I am still totally freaked out. You?""Totally."

"Sadly, my socks are like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike."

"Quarterbacks shouldn’t leave the pocket, because that’s where the money is. Every politician knows this."

"They heard the click of the mail slot and flop of letters on the doormat. "Get the mail, Dudley,"said Uncle Vernon from behind his paper. "Make Harry get it.""Get the mail, Harry.""Make Dudley get it.""Poke him with your Smelting stick, Dudley."

"Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.'Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that."

"It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'."

"Diplomacy The diplomat's expert way of saying 'They should go fuck themselves' is:"We are agreed in principleand will take our minor differencesunder thoughful consideration."

"I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so."

"A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, "How to Build a Boat."

"I coiled my empty straw wrapper around like a snake. Then I bit it before it could bite me. My love is as dangerous as my drinking habits."

"I had a polynomial once. My doctor removed it."

"I slept through the award presentation for Napper of the Year. They had to wake me when I won. Winning was like a dream come true."

"As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight."