#Sex

"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."

"When you've been around as long as me, Lucy, you'll know that there are three types of sex... One - brand-new, kitchen-table sex. Two - bedroom sex. Then number three - hallway sex, when you pass each other in the hallway and say 'Fuck you.'"- Lockie"

"Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that."

"People instantly assume you can't have a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex. I think this may be specific to L.A. - or America."

"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."

"Lift your hips for me, love."

"I'm as pure as the driven slush."

"If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library."

"Francis Bacon has the most delicious last name ever, followed closely by Johnny Scrambledeggs. I make love like those two guys make breakfast out of family reunions."

"She looked so sexy with her sixteen cats that I just had to swipe right, but when she messaged me first quoting Monty Python, I knew it was Tinder love. Maybe on the first date we’ll knit the blanket we’ll make love under."

"sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love"

"I have often said that I wish I had invented blue jeans: the most spectacular, the most practical, the most relaxed and nonchalant. They have expression, modesty, sex appeal, simplicity - all I hope for in my clothes."

"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."

"To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does have an overactive sex drive."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

"I fight like a rocking chair in a boxing ring. That’s also how I make love. I should probably sell popcorn at my shows to boost revenue."

"She had not made a decision to give up sex, only the clamor of romance, because it was exhausting her, doing her no good and too much harm..."

"A woman can become a man's friend only in the following stages - first an acquantaince, next a mistress, and only then a friend."

"Footnote: In 1998, a woman in Saline, Michigan received a patent for a Decorative Penile Wrap...The patent included three pages of drawings, including a penis wearing a ghost outfit, another in the robes of the Grim Reaper, and one dressed up to look like a snowman."

"If you have a story that seems worth telling, and you think you can tell it worthily, then the thing for you to do is to tell it, regardless of whether it has to do with sex, sailors or mounted policemen."