Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Why pay for an undesirable outcome with someone else? For the same money, you could have paid me to stay at home and do nothing."

"The scent of success, it smells like body odor."

"I’m learning to play the saxophone so when you feel lonely I can come over and stand in the shadows and play it for you. Two is one too lonely for me."

"I want to create a 3-4 deal—buy three for the price of four. Offer valid for any product but love, which is one for the price of two only."

"Her love is more aww than awe, and even if were awesome, I want aweall, not merely some awe. I’m greedy for the amazing."

"A lollygagger is a person choking on a lollipop. That works perfectly, because I sell Heimlich Maneuvers in a variety of flavors."

"Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime."

"When people say they don’t understand my generation, I like to point out that it’s not “my” generation. I’m only co-owner with a 50% stake."

"Pizza is circular. So is an hour. I’ll take two slices—to go."

"The strands of DNA are like strings, and it’s as if I am a walking guitar, a musical being whose vibration can be heard as love."

"Combine a fog machine and a cotton candy maker to create delicious mystery. This is the heart of romance."

"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."