Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Gold is liquid sunlight frozen in time, and that’s why I love the way ice melts in vodka. I also love the way ice melts in vodka. I’ll have another shot, if you’ll reload the revolver."

"Everything I’ve learned about handshakes is from hands-on experience. Due to hygiene, I only network with rubber glove manufacturers."

"I arose like a rose, and this is how I knew I was in love. In the garden of life, I’m better off in your neighbor’s yard."

"Knocking on a door is so violent. Talk on the door. Try to get it to open up through communication, not violence."

"I have two hands, so when I’m networking and I meet two new people, is it OK to shake both their hands at once? Or would it be more appropriate to organize a group hug?"

"Nobody looks at what can’t look. We don’t see what doesn’t see. If love is blind, then so are we, because it’s all around us."

"She’s twelve hours in the future, and exactly half a world away. No matter how hard I try, I will always be a part of her past."

"Your fantasies define you, so dream carefully. A man with no imagination is a man with no future in today’s world—and no past in tomorrow’s."

"Last weekend I went out of my comfort zone to go hang out with people I’d only heard about, and I met one new person who turned out to be a very valuable contact. I should try networking at my family reunions more often, because that’s how I finally met my dad."

"I restrain myself from following orders—especially restraining orders. I’d like to remind my dad that my love is longer than 500 feet."

"Working in the hotel business I have learned a lot about people. It’s amazing what you can discover about someone by watching them when they don’t know you are watching, especially if they are asleep."

"I drink like a fish, and I swim in my thirst. I’m so parched for her love that I think I may drown in my desire."

"I need more frugality. I wonder where I can buy some."

"Only a fool would say they’re not a fool. Well, I am not a fool, which is why I say I am a fool."

"I held her gaze as I held her in my arms. With all that holding I couldn’t hold on to the moment, and it slipped past me into the lonely past."

"String several words together in a sentence and you have a language necklace. My I love you would look great with your favorite red dress."

"Ink is drinkable and printable. The words “I love you” don’t take up much space, but they can quench your thirst forever."

"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."

"He’s right-handed, so I told him to draw his self-portrait with his left hand, because it’d look so ugly it’d look realistic. Since he’s a DC politician, I figured a little reality was needed in his life."

"Though my skull is the size of a soup bowl, everything in the universe—and more—can fit inside my imagination. And guess what? My imagination tastes like chicken noodle soup."