Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I'm here at The Container Store looking for something large enough to hold all my love for her. It's a flood, so I hope they sell Shipping Container Ships."

"I drank her essence, and it’s like she never existed and now I’m thirsty again. Let this be a lesson in love."

"Today we’re living in an anti-Waldo world, where you don’t want to blend in and have people struggle to find you. You want your personal brand to stand out like you’re wearing a red and white sweater, and everyone else has on black."

"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale."

"Apparently I’m transparent—with my feelings, not with my body. I’m an emotional ghost, and if you can’t see my love for you it’s because it’s dead."

"If you convert a shower curtain to a dress, I’ll wear my waterproof dancing shoes. Together we’ll move so fluidly people will line up to get cleansed."

"If you’re going to hang around and watch me write, you might as well have a noose around your neck. Would you mind if I kicked the chair out from under your feet? You’re standing on my only place to sit."

"Yellow flowers are like physical manifestations of sunlight. I’m growing a garden of sunglasses just to help save eyesight and make the world a little bit cooler."

"People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?"

"I’ve only been in love one time, I said as I held up my pinky finger. I could have held up my index finger, but I wasn’t in love that long."

"As the ice melted, we fell in love—slowly. I just wish the ice were in two glasses of vodka, and not surrounding our bodies."

"I remember her words about remembering my words, and that’s when it hit me: the quickest way to scalpel open a heart is with a declaration of love."

"My hands will get dirty holding your rose-shaped heart, because love is like gardening—it’s earthy and takes work to keep it alive."

"She said she'd love me forever. That was two days ago, so I should probably ask her again if she still feels the same way."

"Love flows like flowers, and grows like water. I’m so thirsty for romance I could drink a dozen roses."

"I feel like dancing. If I bring an extra wheelchair for you, would you like to join me?"

"I’m half chameleon, half camouflage, and wholly in love with you, though you’d never be able to see it."

"The internet is a knowledge omelet. Sometimes I just want the purity of scrambled eggs that only a book can provide."

"For our first date we went Dutch. We would have gone another nationality, but they are the tallest."

"When you find yourself in hot water, what else can you do but make a spot of tea? I still have a spot of tea on my shirt from yesterday."