Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"My advice to aspiring writers is to read more, write more, and network more. More, more, and more. Then, after you've done all that, do it some more."

"If what you wear says more about who you are then what you say when you speak, then my advice is to keep quiet and wear loud clothing."

"My eyes are bronze, my hair is turning silver, and my heart is gold. Oh, and my love for you belongs in the Olympics, because it’s Special."

"I don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time."What other time is there? Do these people spend part of their day in someone else's body?"

"Tennis is the only sport with love in the score, and that makes it the most romantic. I would be a player, but I wisely use the net to go fishing instead."

"Trying to hide my feelings to avoid getting hurt just ends up hurting not only myself—but also the person I am hiding my feelings from."

"Standing in the kitchen when you’re hungry is torture. That’s why I moved my fridge to my dungeon, where I keep the prisoners."

"My mother-in-law got so angry at me she vowed she’d never speak to me again, and I smiled and gave thanks for the little miracle God worked in my life."

"You haven’t seen nothing until you’ve seen zero. You also haven’t seen nothing until you’ve seen all the love I have for politicians."

"I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it's the one right after the next to the last one."

"My soul is invisible, like an anorexic’s dinner, but it sure enhances how I feel about my body."

"Telephone pole wires get in the way of great photos. Communication always gets in the way of communication."

"The other day I woke up to find my girlfriend already gone from the house, and a sticky note on the fridge that said, "I love you.""Oh my God,"I thought. "Somebody's obsessed with me, and they kidnapped my girlfriend just to get closer to me."

"My coffee cup is empty. Why don't you pour your love in and wake up my soul?"

"The heart pumps blood, a fluid, but it also pulses love, which is as liquid as a wave, and everyone wants a refill. My goal is to be a server."

"I believe the way to master my destiny is to serve others. If I raise up others, am I not also raised up?"

"A love story in six words: Hello. Goodbye. In between was marriage."

"In these modern times, the only sensible thing to be is nonsensical."

"I am the washing machine of love. And if you have no idea what I mean, maybe it’s time to let some laundry into your life."

"I would argue that unless the two people are in love, all sex is bad sex, because why eat cotton candy when you can have edible clouds? Sure, it seems sweet at the time, but that’s just a carnival and carnal rush and wears off quickly. But love adds an extra dimension that takes an earthy thing like sex and makes it absolutely heavenly."