Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Using a mannequin and some rope, could you ride two bicycles at once? Next time, try three bikes. Then truly love someone, because that’s even harder."

"I was in love one time, I said as I held up my pinky. I would have held up my index finger, but I wasn't in love that long."

"Patience is so valuable I'm willing to wait forever to achieve it. And while I wait, I may as well get busy being short-tempered."

"I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some."

"Yellow flowers are like physical manifestations of sunlight. I’m growing a garden of sunglasses just to help save eyesight and make the world a little bit cooler."

"Nothing carries meaning. People carry meaning. We are the porters of importance."

"I type on my keyboard like I’m Beethoven on the piano. My words may be silent in the air, but they ring as music in my mind while I write."

"The difference between you and everyone else, is everyone else. And that’s a lot, so you should feel special."

"Networking is like fishing. Just give some beer and a boat and I’ll be in business."

"If you want me, you’d better hurry. Act now, supplies are limited."

"The middle finger is a great body language tool for letting people know you’re upset. Poetry isn’t quite as effective in a fit of road rage."

"I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?"

"The summer temperature outside was 45 degrees, so I turned 45 degrees and went right back inside. It was so cold outside because that’s where all her love for me was."

"I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go."

"When I win, it’s because I’m skilled. When I lose, it’s because my opponent is lucky. But when I fall in love, it’s because I’m lucky and she’s skilled."

"Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone."

"Finger food, is that food you eat with your fingers, or is that where you eat your fingers? I’m starving, but I also want to play the piano, so I need to know."

"The sunset sky fades from blue to orange over Gainesville, Florida, and what I lost is less than what I gained. I gained love, I lost love, and if could do it all again, I would."

"0 plus 100 equals 100. But so does 50 plus 50, only with more balance. Let this be a lesson in love."

"We made love like two coiled up fire hoses. When there’s no fire in the romance, why not act like a couple of sleeping snakes?"