funny

"Oliver laughed - actually laughed."I like this new Claire,"he said. "You should work her this hard all the time, Myrnin. She's interesting when she's forthright."Claire, possessed by the spirit of Eve, shot him the finger. Which made him laugh again, shake his head, and walk up the steps."

"I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick."

"You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!"

"People are always insinuating that I’m rude. They say things like “Shh,” and “Careful what you say,” and “I think that guy’s listening in on our conversation."

"Nothing in this world feels quite like freedom, except for freedom. And nothing in the world tastes quite like freedom, except for fried bald eagles."

"Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on Craigslist titled, “Have lube, will travel."

"Time is such a waste of time to think about, because the longer you ponder it, the more of it you lose. And before you know it, you don’t know it, because you are nothing but dusty worm food."

"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."

"She already had a headache-she didn't want to add 'get tortured' to today's to-do list."

"I had a dream about you. We were running on the beach, holding hands. It was a nude beach, but we were the only ones wearing clothes. You wore a bikini, and I wore my dead grandma’s dress—with my grandma still in it."

"Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy."

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

"It's possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief . . . lessens. It may not go away completely, but after a while it's not so overwhelming."

"I make art for one person and one person only. And as soon as I find that one person, I sure hope he has a lot of wall space, because he’ll be getting a lot of art from me."

"Be careful, though.""Aren't I always?""No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless."

"I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?"

"Is that a stake, Bones, or are you just happy with my new dress?”“In this case, it’s a stake. You could always feel around for something more, though. See what comes up."

"Was it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked.How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee?"

"If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable."

"Cat, hmmm? From where I sit you look more like a Kitten."My head jerked around and I shot him an annoyed look. Oh, I was going to enjoy this, all right. "It's Cat,"I repeated firmly. "Cat Raven.""Whatever you say, Kitten Tweedy."