funny

"You gotta be careful: don't say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever."

"I had died and woken up in High School Musical"

"Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget."

"How very wet this water is."

"If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time."

"I want to write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras,"which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in air conditioned rooms, as her hardened nipples cause her excess embarrassment."

"Pain produces progress. So if you truly love me, you will try to hurt me as much as you can. If you really want me to grow as a person, you will water me with betrayal, abuse, neglect, derision, thievery, and possibly even torture."

"Perhaps it's impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be."

"I spend all my time trying to capture the moment. And when I do, I'll interrogate and torture it."

"And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep."

"CPR dummy looked like him and had clearly been stabbed. Repeatedly. In the groin. He thought she might have used the dummy for target practice, and tried not to be offended. Key word: tried."

"June laughs. "I have to say, you look better than most people I see. I've heard a lot about you.""I hear about you a lot too,"Eden replies in a rush, "mostly from Daniel. He thinks you're really hot."

"Today is your special day, even if today might be tomorrow to an Australian. And even though you’re not Australian, it doesn’t negate the fact that today may or may not be tomorrow."

"What's that?"he asked, when I stood beside him again."Halos,"I said with a grin. "For heavenly creatures like us.""That might be a stretch."

"In the office, Michael sat behind our father’s desk, clicking away at the computer with his right hand, and making notes with his left. Ambidextrous freak."

"I hate when women give me that look. That overlook."

"Every politician has a promising career. Unfortunately, most of them do not keep those promises."

"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."

"What were you thinking?"I demanded once we were moving to the music. I was trying to ignore his hands. "Do you know how much trouble you may have gotten me in?"Adrian grinned. "Nah. They all feel bad for you. You'll achieve martyrdom after dancing with a mean, wicked vampire. Job security with the Alchemists."

"Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can't help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers."