funny

"Love speaks to the heart like a mime to a mute."

"What are you"-Mac "I don't follow"-Jericho "You dropped 30 feet in that warehouse. You should have broken something. What are you?"-Mac "A man with a rope."-Jericho"

"My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate."

"When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that, we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out."

"On the scale of tomato to ketchup, my girlfriend is definitely a 57."

"Mal snickered. "What's so funny?""I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with him."

"Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go."

"Sometimes I’ll forget a utensil’s name, and I’ll say, “Give me that pointy thing,” as I point with my pointy finger."

"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."

"Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man."

"I’ve got a way with love. Away with love."

"It just seems like overkill when you already have a dagger and I have superpowerful magic at my disposal.”“‘Superpowerful?’”He stood up, a gold chain dangling from his fingers. “Let me remind you of two words, Mercer: Bad. Dog."

"I also don't trust Caribou anymore. They're out there, on the tundra, waiting... Something's going down. I'm right about this."

"I am innocent! But only because the opportunity to partake in an activity that would render me guilty has not presented itself."

"I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?"

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."

"The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him."

"Of course you know, this means war."

"Friends are like bras, attached near your heart for support. Foes are like panties, deported, every now and then, when they get dirty."

"I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades ago."