funny

"In a brave and noble way, I want to sacrifice my life one day so that two of my clones can live."

"They call me, The Sharkalator"

"You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car."

"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."

"I don’t believe in the zodiac. Whenever anybody asks me what my sign is, I always say “Yield."

"You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school.""Oh I believe it,"I said, thinking back to the time Angeline had forgotten her locker's combination and tried to get into it with an axe.No one was really sure where she'd gotten it from."

"A pause followed my greeting. Then “We’re watching you ” whispered the voice on the other end.“Yeah? Did you see what I did with my keys? ”Silence. Then dial tone.These younger demons. So easily discouraged."

"Look at him,” she said, shaking her head. “Travis Maddox: Mr. Mom."

"When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that, we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out."

"I’m 33, and an 18-year-old girl called me old. I said, “You may be temporarily young, but you’ll forever be childish.” Then I put gum in her hair."

"I had a dream about you. We went for a walk, though we didn’t hold hands because we went in separate directions. As I walked alone I thought about how you had the funniest way of showing affection to me."

"In these modern times, the only sensible thing to be is nonsensical."

"No need, no, need. Life is already too short to find it."

"Daemon!"Dee called from the kitchen. "I need your help!""We should go see what she's doing before she destroys your kitchen."He rubbed his hands down his face. "It's possible."

"Love is like a river flowing through your heart. I’ll bring the boat, if you bring the bridge."

"To ugly ducklings everywhere,Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:They'll never get to be swans"

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

"I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?"

"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."

"I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me."