funny

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

"Grandmother hates it when I do the "turkey dance."Basically, I lather my naked body in gravy and then spaz out on the kitchen floor. She just doesn't understand modern dance."

"You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!"

"What were you thinking?"I demanded once we were moving to the music. I was trying to ignore his hands. "Do you know how much trouble you may have gotten me in?"Adrian grinned. "Nah. They all feel bad for you. You'll achieve martyrdom after dancing with a mean, wicked vampire. Job security with the Alchemists."

"Mal snickered. "What's so funny?""I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with him."

"Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy."

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it."

"If I were an armadillo, and a stranger came up and said I looked familiar, and they wanted to know why I looked so familiar, I'd respond in a raspy voice, "Your brother ran over my brother."

"He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked."That's it?"He looked up. "Sorry?""Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town.""It's got a car alarm.""Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?""No. It's a pretty good car alarm."

"I apologized to her once for spending less time with her, but she blew it off. "You're in love. That makes you actually kind of boring to people who aren't in love. You know, the sane ones."

"Jackass, jackass on the wall, where's the info on Hex Hall?"

"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."

"Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell."

"You humans, always eating. I'll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working."Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab."Don't use the same beaker you used for poisons!"Claire yelled after him. He waved a pale hand. "I mean it!"

"I've been trying to start a garage band for over a decade now, but father won't move his car."

"I was washing the dishes and the sneaky bastard crept up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. And kissed me. Right here.” I pointed angrily to my neck. “Can I not have him committed or something?”Dr. Pritchard snorted. “For loving you?”I drew back, shaking my head in disgust. “Dr. Pritchard,” I admonished softly. “Whose side are you on?”“Braden’s."

"Maxon: “To be clear, no one agrees with you.”America: “To be clear, I don’t care."

"Meatloaf is meatloaf is not a true statement. You can have gravy on top, ketchup on top, and don’t forget you can also have love on top--however, you must understand that I would do anything, but I won’t do that."

"My couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that."

"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?"