humor

"I’ve been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library."

"If a dog doesn't put you first where are you both? In what relation? A dog needs God. It lives by your glances, your wishes. It even shares your humor. This happens about the fifth year. If it doesn't happen you are only keeping an animal."

"You can't do anything to be funny. That's cringeworthy. If your humor comes out of a place of love every time, you don't make the joke bigger than you. The funniest comedians are in touch with their emotional level."

"Before I speak, I have something important to say."

"The summer temperature outside was 45 degrees, so I turned 45 degrees and went right back inside. It was so cold outside because that’s where all her love for me was."

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

"I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!"

"Beer has that Olympic medal color,” Rot replied, “but does it have a winning taste? I’d hardly call silver a champion flavor. No, I’ll stick to my red wine."

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment."

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

"Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight."

"I love the diversity of America. I love the plain, normal sense of humor Americans have. It is not wicked, like in some countries. And I also love how new America is."

"I past another telkhine, who was so startled he dropped his Lil' Demons lunch box. I left him alive - partly because he had a cool lunch box..."

"I don't want to be a man,"said Jace. "I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead.""Well,"said Luke, "you're doing a fantastic job."

"My hope still is to leave the world a bit better than when I got here."

"Once the others were below, Hazel and Leo faced each other awkwardly. They were alone except for Coach Hedge, who was back on the quarterdeck singing the Pokémon theme song. The coach had changed the words to: Gotta Kill ’Em All, and Leo really didn’t want to know why."

"I'm sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain."

"Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth."

"Right,"she said, "We're going to the Land of the Dead and I shouldn't think negative."