humor

"If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave."

"2 out of 4 numbers prefer being in the bottom 50 percent. Half of all lovers also prefer being on the bottom."

"Say 'provoking' again. Your mouth looks provocative when you do."

"I'm not sure if there's one right place I'm supposed to be, he said, but I know a couple of wrong places I'd give a second try in a heartbeat."

"The total absence of humor from the Bible is one of the most singular things in all literature."

"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent."

"Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon?"

"You have to fight for your marriage, do whatever it takes. The commitment has to be there. And if you don't have a sense of humor, I don't know how anybody makes it."

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

"You learn timing on the road. You learn structure and how to read an audience. You learn so much about the business of laughter that you can't learn on a set, because it's all on you. Sometimes you bomb, and you know not to tell that joke again... You just hope people find the humor in the awkwardness."

"Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.Good things come to those who wait."

"I’m an atheist and I thank God for it."

"Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies."

"I can talk to fish!"Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body. "Ask one over for dinner,"Fang said, joining us."

"That's not a bad word...hate and war are bad words, but fuck isn't."

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"Now stand in the corner, and think about what you've done!"

"Dreams like a podcast,Downloading truth in my ears.They tell me cool stuff.""Apollo?"I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred.""A god named Fred?"

"And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag."

"Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends."