humor

"Humor and laughter - not necessarily derogatory derision - are my pet tools. This may come from my general philosophy of never taking the world too seriously - for fear of dying of boredom."

"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement."

"Carpe Scrotum. Seize life by the testicles"

"No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

"Goodbyes, they often come in waves."

"Oh, we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?"

"Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet."

"Usually my form of turning someone down was shoving a stake through his heart while smirking, Gotcha!"

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."

"And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl."

"I think the scariest person in the world is the person with no sense of humor."

"Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?""Yes.""You called her a liar?""Yes.""You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?""Yes.""Have a biscuit, Potter."

"I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!"

"Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times."

"When I dance, I’m so fluid you could drink my moves. And if you sip it with your morning coffee, you’ll be light on your feet all day."

"Hey, Carlos,"the Professor says when he walks in. "How was REACH?""It sucked.""Can you be more specific?"my guardian asks."It really sucked,"I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word."

"Since I became a knitting humor writer, I seem to be understood a little better - at least for the purposes of social discourse."

"Women's humor seems to be a little more supportive. It's just kind of trying to make the other one laugh through funny voices and kind of talking about other people. I respond to that. I feel less like I'm going to get beat up in a room full of women than I do in a room full of guys."

"I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't."

"I’ve changed, and she’s changed, but we haven’t changed together. We were in separate dressing rooms the whole time we dated."