humor

"Damien has died and gone straight to gay boy heaven,' Shaunee said..."

"Don't ever call me mad, Mycroft. I'm not mad. I'm just ... well, differently moraled, that's all."

"I'm sure I've all but lost friends by maintaining that, despite their love for it, I always saw Stanley Kramer's 'It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World' as more of an exercise in anti-comedy than humor."

"I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine."

"When you're the only sane person, you look like the only insane person."

"I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing... maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry."

"Humor writing requires a rhythm and timing, as well as some kind of connection to the reader, and I think that's how I tap into it."

"Your as slow as a fat kid on crutches"

"I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension."

"You are evidence of your mother's strength, especially if you are a rebellious knucklehead and regardless she has always maintained her sanity."

"Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch."

"Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt."

"It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people."

"Leo couldn't help smiling. "That could be fun.""Fun"she said unhappily."Blue elephants.""Blue elephants.""Kiss me you fool.""You fool."

"If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?"

"Geez, you guys. I know I'm popular and all, but seriously, you're a bit too co-dependent for me. I'm going to need you to step away from my personal bubble."A wispy vine-woman curled ivy tendrils around his arm, and he sliced through them with his dagger. "No! Bad Wraith! No touchie!"

"I like knocking on strangers’ doors, and when they answer and say hello, I respond, “I have returned, as prophesied.” Then I just stand there staring at them."

"I hated sports. I hated sports, and I hated people who played them, and I hated people who watched them, and I hated people who didn't hate people who watched or played them."

"Our brand of democracy is hard. But I can promise that a year from now, when I no longer hold this office, I'll be right there with you as a citizen - inspired by those voices of fairness and vision, of grit and good humor and kindness that have helped America travel so far."

"It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then."