humor

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."

"Hazel!” he yelled. “That box! Open it!”She hesitated, then saw the box he meant. Te label read WARNING. DO NOT OPEN. “Open it!” Leo yelled again."

"One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides."

"This is the best night of my life,"Raffy says, crying."Raffy, half our House has burnt down,"I say wearily. "We don't have a kitchen.""Why do you always have to be so pessimistic?"she asks. "We can double up in our rooms and have a barbecue every night like the Cadets."Silently I vow to keep Raffy around for the rest of my life."

"Although humor is present in every one of my films, it has always been used as a way to make the darker, heavier stuff in my stories more palatable. I never set out to make 'Humpday' a comedy."

"I actually like how doctors talk. I like the sound of science. I like how words you don't understand explain things you can't understand."

"You looove me. (holds out arms) You love me this much."

"The truth is, every son raised by a single mom is pretty much born married. I don't know, but until your mom dies it seems like all the other women in your life can never be more than just your mistress."

"What you see on stage is pretty much the way I am... a dry sense of humor."

"The world isn't fair, Calvin.""I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?"

"People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor."

"Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!"

"I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping."

"Five syllables,"Apollo said, counting them on his fingers. "That would be real bad."

"when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you"right under your nose."

"Rule number one of anime,"Simon said. He sat propped up against a pile of pillows at the foot of his bed, a bag of potato chips in one hand and the TV remote in the other. He was wearing a black T-shirt that said I BLOGGED YOUR MOM and a pair of jeans that were ripped in one knee. "Never screw with a blind monk."

"If you can understand the humor in the drawing part you'll probably get the humor in the audio part."

"A word to the wise is infuriating."

"Call me sentimental, but there's no-one in the world that I'd like to see get dysentery more than you"

"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it."