humor

"Do you find this...distracting?"

"Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right."

"...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened."

"But if you read Jane Austen, you know that she had a wicked sense of humor. Not only was she funny, but her early writing was very dark and had a gothic tone to it."

"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."

"A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle."

"Who needs a large vocabulary when you can just make up any word at any time? It makes life a whole lot more emeaglibop."

"I drink coffee like steam is the ghost of dead water. Ever tried inhaling the afterlife?"

"It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then."

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

"She talks like you. It’s not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who’s only holding Cinderella back.” "That’s my girl."

"I can't begin to tell you how fulfilling the perennial nature of 'Elf' on television has been for me. It's great to be able to connect parents with children both emotionally and through humor."

"Both of my parents have great senses of humor."

"Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure."

"Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log."

"What you see on stage is pretty much the way I am... a dry sense of humor."

"HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)"

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."

"Why are you limping like that?' Nicholas demanded.'I'm swaggering,' I informed him.'You look like you're wearing a diaper.'Charming. And I had a crush on this guy.Wait. I had a crush on this guy?'Now what?' he asked. 'You're making weird faces.''Nothing,' I said quickly. 'Never mind."

"With reporting, if you work hard, you can usually pull something out. But writing humor doesn't respond to working hard, necessarily. I mean, you could just sit there and look at the page all day and maybe something will come."