humor

"Oh... Adrian, I've got one more favor to ask you. A big one.""Fondue?"he asked hopefully."

"Helloooo? I just made some changes in my life, and if I don't get back to you as soon as possible, then guess what? You were one of those changes."

"What’s the point of being the first to arrive? Nobody is there to witness your commitment."

"We need to talk. All of us About what we're going to do now.""I was going to watch Project Runway."

"If you are good life is good."

"What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love."

"Comedy is still alive, and there are still funny people. Jews are still overrepresented in comedy and psychiatry and underrepresented in the priesthood. That immigrant Jewish humor is still with us."

"I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met."

"Yeah? Can you draw a skeleton riding a motorcycle with flames coming out of it? And I want a pirate hat on the skeleton. And a parrot on his shoulder. A skeleton parrot. Or maybe a ninja skeleton parrot? No, that would be overkill. But it'd be cool if the biker skeleton could be shooting some ninja throwing stars. That are on fire."

"It seemed weird calling a teenager 'sir' but I'd learned to be careful with immortals. They tended to get offended easily. Then, they blew stuff up."

"Yeah, but the lost diadem,"said Michael Corner, rolling his eyes, "is lost, Luna. That's sort of the point."

"Tessa: I won't know if I like it until I try it, will I?"Will: "I've never swum naked in the Thames, but I know I wouldn't like it.""But think how entertaining for sightseers,"said Tessa, and she saw Jem duck his head to hide the quick flash of his grin."

"I'm a sarcastic person, and people don't get my humor sometimes."

"Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?""Yes.""You called her a liar?""Yes.""You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?""Yes.""Have a biscuit, Potter."

"What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer."

"To this day, I've found that it doesn't matter what a guy looks like if he's really funny. His sense of humor makes him attractive. On the other hand, you don't hear men saying, 'No she's not pretty, but is she ever funny!'"

"Jesus!"Luke exclaimed."Actually, it's just me,"said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling."

"It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya."

"When someone tells you somebody’s been murdered, laughing is probably not the best response. You know, for future reference.But laughing is exactly what I did."

"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up."