#Funny

"Myrnin turned away to pick up his Ben Franklin spectacles, balanced them on his nose, and looked over them to say, "Don't do drugs. I feel I ought to say that."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

"Why did you tell her I'm your boyfriend? Why doesn't she know about your real one? - TimmyHe's English! And Mom...Mom hates foreigners! - Cat"

"And so that means...""We have to rob the Henley,"Simon said.Kat sank onto a truly uncomfortable sofa. "Again."

"Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any."

"Before I die, I want to change my name to "Here,"so that my tombstone could simply read, "Here lies."And then people who knew me could walk by, shake their head, and say, "Ain't that the truth."

"I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital."

"Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.1. You're wearing that?2. Something smells funny.3. Where's the Tylenol?4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.5. I have a confession to make…6. My dad has a suit just like that.7. That man is hot. Look at him.8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…9. You're going to order that? Seriously?10. You're how old?"

"Adam's response was buried in the sound of the first-story door falling open. Noah slouched in. In a wounded tone, he said, "He threw me out the window!"Ronan's voice sang out from behind his closed door: "You're already dead!"

"I’m very much down to earth, just not this earth."

"I want to write a song about the only girl I’ve ever loved. And the chorus will say something like, “I really want to see you tonight, so I hope you leave your blinds open."

"There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny."

"I coiled my empty straw wrapper around like a snake. Then I bit it before it could bite me. My love is as dangerous as my drinking habits."

"If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable."

"Here's a haiku/palindrome I wrote called, "Obsession."Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob"

"I am a slave to your love. Well, more like indentured servant."

"When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours."

"She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it.."

"Love is like breakfast with Mildred. Who’s Mildred? How the heck should I know? I don’t eat breakfast."

"Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda)"