#Funny

"Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead."

"Hatsuharu Sohma: [after tripping Kyo] If I hadn't had tripped you, you wouldn't have stopped now would you.[addressing the audience]Hatsuharu Sohma: By the way what I just did was very dangerous. And if it had been anyone but Kyo they probably would have been hurt pretty badly, so don't try it at home.Kyo Sohma: Don't try it here and who are you even talking to?"

"What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love."

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."

"I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will be exactly the same length as the Bible."

"Inconceivable!""You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

"When the silent flamingo dances pink with desire, I’ll be there, sipping on owl stares and kitten curls."

"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"

"I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!"

"Always drink upstream from the herd."

"Dogs have their day but cats have 365."

"All right I think we've been down here in the dark long enough. There's a whole other world upstairs. Take my hand Constant Reader and I'll be happy to lead you back into the sunshine. I'm happy to go there because I believe most people are essentially good. I know that I am. It's you I'm not entirely sure of."

"I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place."

"I apologized to her once for spending less time with her, but she blew it off. "You're in love. That makes you actually kind of boring to people who aren't in love. You know, the sane ones."

"You won't even take your bow? Are you planning to throttle a moose with your bare hands, then?""I've a knife in my boot,"she said, and then wondered, for a moment, if she could throttle a moose with her bare hands."

"Nothing like having a warrant for your execution to get a girl motivated."

"I could name my penis Steve, and it would be appropriate, as it is sort of shaped like my dad’s face, whose name is Steve. Not just his face, but his whole body and person is named Steve. And he’s a dick."

"Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"All the time."

"And when demigods use cell phones, the signals agitate every monster within a hundred miles. It's like sending up a flare: Here I am! Please rearrange my face!"

"Humor is the oxygen of children's literature. There's a lot of competition for children's time, but even kids who hate to read want to read a funny book."