#Funny

"Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates."

"I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs."

"I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it sounds sappy."

"From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge."

"Before I die, I want to change my name to "Here,"so that my tombstone could simply read, "Here lies."And then people who knew me could walk by, shake their head, and say, "Ain't that the truth."

"Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty."

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

"I walked to the door where Clovis waited. When I looked up, he was staring at Adam. A quick glance backward confirmed Adam was returning his stare. Freaking males, I thought, they couldn’t be more obvious about their territorial dispute if they’d both peed on me."

"I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now."

"I have studied the astrological musings of the mystics, and I can conclude one thing: of all things cosmic, bowling is the best."

"Our love was covered in fur, yet I was the only one who wanted to pet it."

"If I could store any character quality in a cookie jar, I’d store patience. Chocolate-chip patience cookies. And I’d eat them all at one sitting."

"Today is your special day, even if today might be tomorrow to an Australian. And even though you’re not Australian, it doesn’t negate the fact that today may or may not be tomorrow."

"She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it.."

"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."

"I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple"

"I had a dream about you last night.. You were balancing ten tiny footballs on your nose while dancing with a turquoise unicorn."

"Can I come in?No! I'm in a towel!I'm blind!"

"I had a dream about you last night... you kept meowing at people and licking yourself it was not unlike you normally."

"I have the feeling we just made a deal with the devil, and he's going to come back and want our first-born child or something."Daemon waggled his brows. "You want kids? Because you know, practice makes--""Shut up."I shook my head and started walking."