#humor

"When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened."

"See?” I’d whispered to Bones, nudging him with a grin. “He never argues with her. Isn’t that sweet?”A snort preceded his response. “Keep dreaming, pet."

"Earth Smile The lip of the mountain smiles ochrewhen the drumming raindrops take root.Pigments from yellow to deep orange to brown,form crowns of light, mirrors reflecting fire ~the ire in the earth, the smirk of the dirt."

"Soup [10w] Never marry anyone who eats their soup with a ladle."

"Comedy is a necessity to get through life with the fewest scars. Humor is the best antidote to help relieve all struggles."

"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."

"Knocked-Up Kinda' Loven Marry, me, marry me, marry me,You better say, 'affirmative',Cuz you stuck a bun in my ovenand you haven't an alternative."

"You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself."

"Integrity is a bugger, it really is. Lying can get you into difficulties, but to really wind up in the crappers try telling nothing but the truth."

"I question the equation like an equestrian, and I realize it’s horseshit. What is the equation? Vote=Change."

"Boasting vs. Toasting [10w] + {Couplet} What many call boasting to my success I call toasting."

"Is Prayer Only for Man? I [10w] Does God pray for His creation's in Heaven and Earth?"

"I'm a happy person. If you want to be around me, you can either choose to be happy too, or follow the signs to the nearest exit!"

"Washington State Motto Al-Ki. [25]America's most rainy, PC and annoying state."

"I once loved a girl who almost loved me, but not as much as she loved John Cusack."

"To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for theexistence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Probably farmore. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless tapedand filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over theworld, along with documented radar evidence seen by experiencedmilitary and civilian radar operators.>>"

"I never met a man that I didn't like."

"In the Future [1]: (criminals) In the future we're going to find a wayto turn criminals into wordsand then place them in parentheses."

"There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords."

"I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones."