#humor

"Eragon looked back at him, confused. "I don't understand.""Of course you don't,"said Brom impatiently. "That's why I'm teaching you and not the other way around."

"Broken [10w] + {Couplet} "His gifts have become broken things, hidden from my view,Sitting on a shelf, above my shoes, like exterminated Jews."

"I made this [letter] very long, because I did not have the leisure to make it shorter."

"Becoming [10w] We're a becoming whose final shape is unknown to all."

"I’m always the last in love by exactly one person."

"Necessity may be the mother of invention, but who is the father? Don’t look at me! I wore a condom."

"I’d have been dead a long time ago if not for my friends, one of whom had just jumped off the cliff after me. I’d have been a lot more appreciative if he hadn’t pushed me first."~Cassandra Palmer"

"Lenny Bruce I'm going to be rich!I figured out how to get schlong-juice stains off of suede."

"Measuring Love The only scientist who can measure love is the onewho's in love with another scientist."

"Let's Face It [10w] If you've peed on enough fire hydrants, you're a dog."

"Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink."

"A women can run, hide, play and have fun but she will shine far better when she just smiles without none."

"United Negro College Fund: A mind is a terrible thing to waste... ...and so is your paycheck,so don't waste good money on a lost cause."

"Too many abused beers have suffered in the name of networking. Let us find a better way to mix torture and business."

"If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember."

"Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience."

"In the Future [1]: (criminals) In the future we're going to find a wayto turn criminals into wordsand then place them in parentheses."

"You're kidding,"Shane said. "Do you think I want to visit Crazy McTeeth in his lair of insanity?""No,"Claire said, "but I'm pretty sure you won't like it if I go alone when I just kind of promised to be with you. So...?""Right. I've been missing Nutty McFang anyway.""Stop making up names for him.""What about Count Crackula?""Just stop."

"The road to enlightenment is long and difficult, and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines."

"THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police."