#humor

"Six-Pack [10w] A six-pack of beer's inversely proportional to six-pack of abs."

"I never fail. It's just that the people around me succeed more than I."

"Stop!"Narcissus got to his feet. "This is not right! This person is obviously not awesome, so he must be..."He struggled for the right words. It had probably been a long time since he'd talked about anything other than himself. "He must be tricking us."Apparently Narcissus wasn't completely stupid."

"I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends."

"If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words."

"I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine."

"How could I be sleeping with this particular man.... Surely only true love could justify my lack of taste."

"pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast high ceilings and few horsepower!"

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

"Being a leader is making the people you love hate you a little more each day."

"Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based."

"Lawful good to lawful evil!"said Simon, pleased."He's quoting Dungeons and Dragons,"said Clary. "Ignore him."

"Preparation [10w] Hope for the best, but prepare for your insufferable wife."

"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."

"Napoleon, when hearing about Laplace's latest book, said, 'M. Laplace, they tell me you have written this large book on the system of the universe, and have never even mentioned its creator.'Laplace responds, 'Je n'avais pas besoin de cette hypothèse-là. (I had no need of that hypothesis.)"

"I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some."

"BMW: The ultimate driving machine... ...just like our gas chambers were the ultimate killing machines."

"Did He Do the Right Thing? I walked out of the room. I did not stay to watch my beloved draw her last breath because I didn't want all my magical memories of her tainted by the profanity of death."

"Something about being rejected at Church Camp felt so much more awful than being rejected at school."

"Everyone is a little crazy. The only difference between us and them is that they hide it better."