#humor

"I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?"

"Why are you limping like that?' Nicholas demanded.'I'm swaggering,' I informed him.'You look like you're wearing a diaper.'Charming. And I had a crush on this guy.Wait. I had a crush on this guy?'Now what?' he asked. 'You're making weird faces.''Nothing,' I said quickly. 'Never mind."

"Why do people always expect authors to answer questions? I am an author because I want to ask questions. If I had answers, I'd be a politician."

"I’ll make Goyle do lines, it’ll kill him, he hates writing,” said Ron happily. He lowered his voice to Goyle’s low grunt and, screwing up his face in a look of pained concentration, mimed writing in midair. “I... must... not... look... like... a... baboon’s... backside."

"Soulmate [10w] When you meet your soulmate,God's walked into the room."

"My heart can hold all the love you give me. If you need to quantify it to properly price it for sale, it would be one gallon."

"Room service? Send up a larger room."[A Night at the Opera]"

"I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train."

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

"You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record."

"If the self-help books worked, it would be a shrinking industry not a growing one."

"Penetrate the Mysteries "If you ever hope to penetrate the mysteries of the universe,you've got to buy her a drink first and then pretend you're listening."

"Life makes fools of all of us sooner or later. But keep your sense of humor and you'll at least be able to take your humiliations with some measure of grace. In the end, you know, its our own expectations that crush us."

"My feet are dense with dance. I move like I’m wearing concrete boots and I’m trying to tread water. If the music is salsa, I may start gargling."

"I guess it’s true what they say,"observed Jace. "There are no straight men in the trenches.""That’s atheists, jackass,"said Simon furiously. "There are no atheists in the trenches."

"Awww,"Minho said. "That's almost as sweet as that time she slammed the end of a spear into your shuck face."

"All's fair in love and war,"said Ron brightly, "and this is a bit of both."

"I’ll convert a school desk into a tricycle, because how else am I supposed to learn to love? It’s not like baseball gloves are very effective oven mitts."

"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."

"2D or Not 2D [10w] The best thing about a two-dimensional world is nobody's fat."