#humor

"If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done."

"Are there any religions on your list that include the slaughter of noblemen as a holy duty?"

"If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed,"but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!"

"Rooftop Poetry Sing poetry from rooftopslike a muzzein' s call for prayer."

"Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny."

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

"Frank Lloyd Wright {Couplet} Frank Lloyd Wright eliminated the confining wall,so now when your wife screams at youit sounds like you're in Tammany Hall."

"It took less than an hour to make the atoms, a few hundred million years to make the stars and planets, but five billion years to make man!"

"Touch her, and I'll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand?"

"It's okay to be a loser, it just depends on how good you are at being one."

"My ex-girlfriend was exquisite, while my current girlfriend is merely quisite. The ex always makes the past seem more excellent than the present."

"Now what state do you live in?''Denial."

"Sexcess—it’s about sex in excess and success all rolled up into one sweaty ball."

"Love [10w] Love is a time machineset to your perfect present"

"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."

"Riza: Without his Alchemy he's just...Jean: A little brat who swears a lotMaes: An arrogant pipsqueakRoy: Useless. Just uselessAlphonse: Sorry big brother, I don't know how to add to that...Ed *starts to cry*: YOU'RE ALL PICKING ON ME!!!"

"I have nothing to declare except my genius."

"Between Portland and Seattle is a mint factory, and they made sweets like we made sweet love, and America needs more manufacturers like us."

"Reality continues to ruin my life."

"If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase."