#humor

"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."

"Poetry vs. Prose [10w] Prose is the bread of imagination;poetry is the wine."

"I fish the old-fashioned way—with dynamite and screen doors for nets. Don’t be rude—knock before entering the kill zone."

"There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and foget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity."

"We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free."

"He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower."

"If we went by the world's definition of who I'm supposed to be because I look weird... 'Well, surely, this guy can't have a productive life, surely, he doesn't have a sense of humor. Surely, he can't love life.' We stereotype people in this world. And so... if the world thinks you're not good enough, it's a lie, you know. Get a second opinion."

"I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical."

"Rat Trap Haiku 'Hmm, 12 by 13,4 by 9. Oy! You call thisrat trap an apartment?"

"I deal in the ideal idea. Buy, sell, or trade, I am offering the best prices on Love."

"Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

"Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for."

"You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled."

"My soul left my body, and my body left my clothes and went streaking through the streets."

"What’s on my mind? I could say you, but we both know I'd be lying. Actually, I'm only pretending that you aren't on my mind. But I know that you don't mind."

"The English novels are the only relaxation of the intellectually unemployed. But one should not be too severe on them. They show a want of knowledge that must be the result of years of study."

"The only moral it is possible to draw from this story is that one should never throw the Q letter into a privet bush, but unfortunately there are times when it is unavoidable."

"the [coat] rack above his head like a javelin.On the other side of the door was Jace. He blinked. "Is that a coatrack?"Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful.""Yes,"said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats."

"I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby."

"Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up."