#humor

"I go to sleep in my business suit, because it makes my dreams of success seem more real."

"Hermione launched herself forwards and started punching every inch of him that she could reach.'Ouch — ow — gerroff! What the — ? Hermione — OW!'“You — complete — arse — Ronald — Weasley!”She punctuated every word with a blow: Ron backed away, shielding his head as Hermione advanced."

"Every night I sleep like a log. In a lit fireplace. If you bring the marshmallows, I’ll bring the burning desire for you."

"Well you seemed too busy to call him a prat and I thought someone should."

"That Jesus Kinda' Love [20w] What people do for the loveof their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,I wouldn't do for my fucking mother."

"Theology, philosophy, metaphysics, and quantum physics are merely ways for God to have his smart people believe in him"

"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"The Poet's Mind In so many ways I walk ablaze in a maze,my eyes in a glaze, my mind in a daze,this poem's just a phrase in the latency phase,rephrase, rephrase, rephrase..."

"Sexcess—it’s about sex in excess and success all rolled up into one sweaty ball."

"Writing is like getting married. One should never commit oneself until one is amazed at one's luck."

"I want to be the first and second man to dance on the moon. No, I won’t moonwalk. But I will Cha Cha—with my clone."

"I wear gloves, because I don’t want to tease people with my naked body. I’ve got to leave something to the imagination."

"Tortuguer Costa Rica Haiku Lora Sea TurtlesInvade to beach to lay eggs.Locals invade the eggs."

"They (penguins) then fall madly in love and live happily ever after.-And so you ask yourself: "If a penguin can have a worthwhile, stimulating relationship, why the hell can't I?"-Or maybe you ask yourself: "Would I be happier if I started dating a penguin"

"Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!"

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria."

"I wish every envelope enclosed a love letter. It’s this hope that leads me to open strangers’ mail. So you see, I’m a romantic, not an NSA employee."

"If my legs get blown off in war, I’d like to have them replaced with a coffee table. Half man/half furniture, I’ll be in the living room if you need me."

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."

"If everyone wants to be somebody, I want to be somebody else"