#humor

"See? This is why I'm not religious. I couldn't possibly keep my mouth shut long enough to get along with everyone else."

"Occam's Razor [10w] I shaved with Occam's razor and he shaved with mine."

"I think computer viruses should count as life ... I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image."

"Come on guys, you cant fight like this forever""Actually,"Simon said, raising his hand,"I can".Jace made a weird noise and I realized he was trying not to laugh-which by the way, wasn't working."

"On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars."

"Love is the only gift that’s acceptable to give away as soon as you get it."

"I’ve never cheated on a lover. I’m faithful, always. But the war comes before anyone’s feelings. Every time.”Wow. Battle before love. Without a doubt, he was the most unromantic male she’d ever met. Even more so than her great-grandfather, who had laughingly burned her great-grandmother to death after she’d given birth to Gwen’s grandmother."

"Come to think of it, she did not speak a word. Yet I could have sworn she had the most beautiful voice."

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

"The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be, in some sense, kidding."

"I wish we could make out in your bed."Noah sighed. "As do I, but I'm afraid we have ritual burning to conduct.""It's always something.""Isn't it though?"

"I had a dream about you last night. I could fly. I was going to use this power to impress you, but you were too heavy to carry, so I won you over with my personality instead"

"Hate [10w] Love cannot hate eradicate ~only a more ruthless hate can."

"Yes Headwoman Azaze. But I never lie to Rosethorn. She, um, discourages it.""Evvy and I have an understanding."She grabbed the teakettle and poured hot water into the mug. "She tells me the truth, and I don't hang her in the first well we come to. It's a solution that works tolerably well for both of us."

"The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert."

"The Delinquent Girl Chronicles Ages 7-11: Skip ropeAges 12-16: Skip classAge 17: Skip periodAge 18: Skip coming homeAge 19: Skip town"

"Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers."

"Err 2 [10w] To err is human, to make it a habit, assinine."

"To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone."

"Dawn is meant for Lovers. And so is dusk and anytime in between. Count me in. And out. In, out, in, out, and I just came, I saw, I conked out.-Amanda Mosher and Jarod Kintz"