#humor

"Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it."

"I love the Swedish people for their detective novels, their archipelago, their sense of humor, their carbonated vodka, and most especially, for their wonderful hospitality."

"Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run.No!If you save somebody's life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more an I'm all yers."

"I don't know how many of you have ever met Dijkstra, but you probably know that arrogance in computer science is measured in nano-Dijkstras."

"Unconditional Love [10w] If you're not giving unconditional love,you're offering conditional hate."

"The more excited I get, the more I vibrate.""Now there's a thought,"Lor says."If you mean what I think you mean, you want to shut the fuck up and never think it again,"Ryodan says."

"I am human and I need to be loved,just like everybody else does."

"If my favorite three letters are X, Z, and Q, then my favorite word is Xazaqazax. It means “a lover of love."

"You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school.""Oh I believe it,"I said, thinking back to the time Angeline had forgotten her locker's combination and tried to get into it with an axe.No one was really sure where she'd gotten it from."

"Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter."

"Mirrors should think longer before they reflect."

"Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient."

"Well, I’m not kissing the mundane,"said Jace. "I’d rather stay down here and rot.""Forever?"said Simon. "Forever’s an awfully long time."Jace raised his eyebrows. "I knew it,"he said. "You want to kiss me, don’t you?"

"Well? Is it true? Did she?""Did she what?""You know. Fall outta the crazy tree and hit every branch on the way down?"

"I actually like how doctors talk. I like the sound of science. I like how words you don't understand explain things you can't understand."

"I'm trying to make some sense out of the phrase "Everything happens for a reason,"and I think I've figured out what the reason is - to pissed me off."

"Enemies {couplet} Ne'er shall man's enemies been drawn so near,then when he seeketh to compare."

"Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them."

"Spirituality and Aging Spirituality comes naturally to the old because they're running out of options."

"Wishing Wells [10w] Wishes fall to the bottom of wells;only faith floats."