#humor

"If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it."

"Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor, and he smells like windex.""At least you know he's still available."

"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."

"Basically, everyone thinks--knows--how sweet I am.Emma, you threw my sister through hurricane-proof glass."

"Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself."

"There's no need to clarify my finger snap,"said Magnus. "The implication was clear in the snap itself."

"I hate when people say 'I see'. It doesn't mean anything and I think it's hostile. Whenever anyone tells me 'I see' I think they're really saying 'Fuck you'."

"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."

"I was kind of excited to go to jail for the first time and I learnt some great dialogue."

"First Pallas and now you,” the gray-haired man said, shaking his head at Nick. “It’s like I’m running a goddamn dating service around here."

"Read vs. Write If you want to know about life second hand, read;if you want to experience life directly, write."

"Every man has a soul, but will every man’s clone have a soul? No, because me and some scientists will have sucked them out in the lab. Why sell your soul to the devil, when you can sell your clone’s soul?"

"1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America. Actually, people had been living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America for hundreds of years before that. 1492 was simply the year sea pirates began to rob, cheat, and kill them."

"Seeing vs. Envision {Couplet} We see nothing more than we bring to it;heavenly orchards lie in an apple's pit!"

"Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too."

"Nature's Prayer [10w] + {Couplet} Trees gesticulate in morning prayer;wind circulates with cleansing air."

"It's probably a bad indicator of your lifestyle when you miss your ex-boyfriend because he's absolutely lethal."

"But the goal of the arts, culinary or otherwise, is not to increase our comfort. That is the goal of an easy chair."

"I can chase you, and I can catch you,but there is nothing I can do to make you mine."

"Nobody think about that broken heart... life goes on, broken heart never join together but it tries very hard to get joined again. That;swhy may be it said "Heart is like a mirror, if its broken can never be joined."