#humor

"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it."

"It called to him, a sweet heady beacon of femininity, fertility, and fuckability. His three favorite f-words."

"If you’re going to hang around and watch me write, you might as well have a noose around your neck. Would you mind if I kicked the chair out from under your feet? You’re standing on my only place to sit."

"When I grow up, I'd like to be dangerous."

"That Jesus Kinda' Love [20w] What people do for the loveof their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,I wouldn't do for my fucking mother."

"The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago."

"Perspective [10w] In every needle there's a haystack,if you step back."

"Cats don't need to be possessed; they're evil on their own."

"Male egos require constant stroking. Every task is an achievement, every success epic. That is why women cook, but men are chefs: we make cheese on toast, they produce pain de fromage."

"Don't go looking for boys in the darkThey will say pretty things thenleave you with scars.Do go looking for boys in the parkFor that is where the true gentlemen are."

"Investigation?"Isabelle laughed. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names.""Good idea,"said Jace. "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein."

"The 'Ugly' Poet [10w] Poets develop cleverness with wordsto compensate for their unattractiveness."

"Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place."

"Now, I'm Not Born Yet [10w] I brought a sundial to a flight crossing the International-Date-Line."

"You're the queen, and it's the queen's house, and whatever Brigan may accomplish, he's highly unlikely ever to be queen."

"Fulfillment [10w] Sometime fulfillment goes beyond the date Amazon delivers your order."

"My currency is kindness, and while there are no ATMs that dispense it, it’s also not accepted or recognized at strip clubs."

"It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive."

"Prickly Pears [10w] Men are often like cactus fruits ~thorny outside,mushy inside."

"Have you any other objection than your belief of my indifference?"- Elizabeth Bennet"