#humor

"New Year Resolutions I [10w] Change my voice;unclog my ears;open my heart."

"Love's Reward [10w] + {Couplet} Love repaid is love's reward;recompense fair towards being adored."

"Every Small Child is a Miracle [10w] The God of small children is the one true God."

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"Nobody's ever asked me to a party before, as a friend. Is that why you dyed your eyebrow, for the party? Should I do mine too?"

"If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office."

"That Jesus Kinda' Love [20w] What people do for the loveof their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,I wouldn't do for my fucking mother."

"Are you a female dog?""What?"Massie asked. "Why?""Because you are acting like a real bitch!"

"I sold ten bags of hellos for five bags of goodbyes. I’d say that’s a good profit. Or it was, before I blew all my goodbyes on ex lovers."

"What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey."

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

"A word to the wise is infuriating."

"Madelyne, we're married now. 'Tis a usual occurrence to bed one's wife on the wedding night."

"Politically, I feel out of touch, like I’m wearing gloves—boxing gloves. We need to go bareknuckle to beat back the entrenched establishment."

"All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ."

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible."

"Poetry and Love [10w] Poetry and love are two faces of the same coin."

"We're on a planet, relax!"

"Ageing [10w] There's no such thing as age -- only degrees of opacity."

"Sometimes, there is no harm in putting off a piece of work until another day."